The chap across the aisle leaned over and said “looks like we’re going back to Honolulu”. We were both watching the ‘Inflight Entertainment Center’ and I assured him that it was just the computer acting up. We both chuckled because the evidence to date was that the airplane was a bit haywire.

It all began at ‘Pushoff’ 9:30 PM, where the tractor pushes the plane out to the taxi strip. As soon as he disconnected from the tractor the plane went quiet. Everything including the engines shut down. Emergency lights were on and the passengers were very quiet. The captain came on, apologized  and said the internal pressure blah blah blah was malfunctioning and they would run a few tests and we’d be on our way. They ran the engines up and down; the plane was shaking from what seemed maximum throttle. Finally the captain said ‘We’re good to go” and we taxied out, finally taking off around 10:10.

A lot of people watch the ‘Inflight Entertainment Center’ on airplanes. Probably, like me, they’re urging the plane on and checking if there’s a half left of the trip or a third or… Anyway I could see the little fake plane making the turn around and it was about ten minutes until the pilot ‘fessed up and said “Folks, we’re having a little trouble with the blah blah blah and we’re going to have to head back to Honolulu”. As we approached the airport he came on and said “When we land don’t worry about the fire engines racing along side, it’s standard procedure in EMERGENCY LANDINGS (emphasis mine). We landed OK, the first time in years I’ve heard anybody clap for a safe landing. Got back around 11:30.

If you’re ever in a hurry to get off the plane (and who isn’t) I highly recommend an emergency landing. We were at the gate ‘toot sweet’ but… they didn’t let us off. Dreams of a new plane or, better yet, an all expense paid accommodation in a luxury hotel began to fade as the captain informed us that his techies were looking at the problem and also they were in touch with Head Office in Montreal. So, we sat around, chatted, and waited. We were told it was OK to use the washroom and people were even allowed to stand outside the plane in the access corridor. (what’s that word-fear of small spaces?)

Again the shaking of the plane as the motors were run to full throttle and surprise surprise not quite four hours after our scheduled departure the pilot announced that they were closing the doors and we were finally taking off. (I think that passenger compensation begins at four hours of standby and they were hedging their bets) 45 minutes after that announcement we finally took off for a relatively uneventful trip to Vancouver.

As compensation we were given some packages of free nuts. I’ve never met a nasty flight attendant and these folks were no exception. They worked hard and tried their best and only looked confused when they lost their concentration. We’ve been on lots of flights where the pilots open the cockpit and say goodbye to people. Didn’t happen on this trip. After nine and a half hours it was just the chief steward standing at the exit to wish us Godspeed.